Dear Advice Person,
My friend told me about butt leakage, and how terrifying it is. So naturally, I took the initiative to prevent such a traumatic experience. If there is nothing in your butt, there is nothing to leak our, right? Right? So I came to the conclusion: enemas make things in your butt disappear. I took about a half dozen before work, and daintily skipped off to my investment firm, confident in my anal cavity's cavernous state.
Much to my dismay, as I was making fun of the mail boy's lack of sufficient breeding, I noticed a wetness that was... intimidating. It started small, but turned into a veritable Niagara. In an effort to prevent this from happening ever again, I've been taking countless enemas, but the butt leakage is stronger than the enemas' magic. what can I do?
Sincerely,
Keeping it tight
Dear Keeping it Tight,
That's gross. Here's what you should do: Forget the enemas, and invest in one of these, thereby preventing fecal matter from entering the lower portion of your colon at all. Granted, you're going to have to strap a crap-bag to your abdomen, but you can't win 'em all, right?
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