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Thursday, July 29, 2010


Oh Wise One,

How do I know if I'm a hypochondriac?

~Probably dying but possibly not actually dying

Dear Dying,
You're dying! It's time to panic! You're constantly breathing in
bacteria and viruses!

But seriously, here are a few tests to determine whether you are a

1. Do you buy ridiculous products to fix your various imagined diseases?

2. Do you endlessly search the interwebz for diagnoses of your potential

3. Do you spend upwards of $40,000 on hypoallergenic pets just so that
you won't develop a sniffle?

If you've answered "yes" to any of these questions, you might just be a
hypochondriac. Here's what you should do:
Come stay at my house for a week. It would be a win/win situation; you
would know what it's like to truly live in filth, and you'd see that any
possible health effects are (probably) a long way off. And I might
possibly convince you to do some of my dishes.

I hope this helps, you freak of nature.